Wednesday, October 20, 2010

How To Tick People Off

I stumbled upon this recently via artlung.com and just had to post. There are days when we all want to do at least one of these things just to get back at someone. I swear I'm going to do #8 the next time a co-worker ticks me off.

  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
  4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
  7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
  8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
  10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
  12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
  16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  18. Honk and wave to strangers.
  19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  21. type only in lowercase.
  22. dont use any punctuation either
  23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
  25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
  27. Ask people what gender they are.
  28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  30. Sing along at the opera.
  31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

6 comments:

  1. There are people in my office who I swear do #1 all the time, not even on purpose. It's just in their nature.

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  2. haha love this!

    Thank you so much for the lovely comment you left on my blog!!!

    http://tiffanyssmallworld.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm going to try #7 and #32 tomorrow... it has been that kind of a work week!

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  4. JUSTIN does number 14 to me ALL the time! Mainly while I'm doing my sit-ups and jumping jacks in the living room while he's watching TV...

    And I love #24. Great post! Good laughs :)

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  5. OMG, I just read them a second time... CRYING with laughter!!!!!!

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  6. This is hilarious! I'm glad I found your blog as well!

    ReplyDelete

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